Let’s get this out the way real quick:
You are not the group chat’s therapist.
You are not the unofficial mom, energy alchemist, intuitive translator, accountability coach, or the reason your friends don’t completely fall apart every Mercury retrograde.
You’re allowed to just… exist. Be in the chat. Laugh. Drop memes. Send voice notes about that one fine man you manifested on accident. Without being the one to “hold it all down.”
Let’s talk about why being the “healed one” in your circle is a trap disguised as evolution—and what to do when your spiritual growth starts to feel like a damn job.
The Rise (and Fall) of the Healed One™
We’ve all seen her. Hell, we’ve been her.
The one sending affirmations at 8am.
The one who holds space even when she’s running on E.
The one everybody calls when shit hits the fan.
The one who gets hit with, “Girl, you’re so evolved, I need your take on this…” when all you wanted was a cute brunch and some bottomless mimosas.
Being “the healed one” sounds like a compliment, but it’s often a socially acceptable way to offload emotional labor onto the most self-aware person in the room. And for women of color? That role gets handed to us on sight. Generationally. Systemically. Culturally. We’re taught that being the strong one is our duty. But sis… it’s not.
Study Break: Research from the American Psychological Association shows that Black women report higher levels of emotional exhaustion due to the compounded stress of both racism and sexism. [source]
So while it may feel noble to be “the one who’s got it together,” what you’re actually doing is absorbing everyone else’s unprocessed pain—sometimes at the expense of your own nervous system.
Your Nervous System Is Not Community Property
Let me say that louder for the martyrs in the back:
Your peace does not have to be sacrificed for community.
Being spiritually awake doesn’t mean you’re available 24/7 to walk people through their shadows while you’re barely processing your own. That’s not healing. That’s performative peace—and baby, it’s exhausting.
In fact, vicarious trauma—taking on the emotional burdens of others—can lead to physical symptoms like fatigue, anxiety, insomnia, and burnout. [source]
The gag? Most of us think we’re just being “good friends” or “holding space,” when in reality, we’re enabling emotionally avoidant behavior in people who lowkey refuse to do their own healing work.
You’re Allowed to Take the Cape Off
Here’s what no one tells you when you start your healing journey:
You don’t owe anyone your breakthroughs.
You’re allowed to evolve quietly.
You can outgrow roles that feel holy but are actually heavy.
Your friends? They’re grown. If they can Google “How to roll a blunt,” they can Google “How to process a breakup.” Don’t let your intuition be misused as a shortcut to emotional labor someone else refuses to do.
Spiritual Boundaries = Soul Preservation
So what does protecting your peace actually look like?
- Delayed responses: You don’t have to answer every crisis in real-time. Let people sit with their own shit for a minute.
- Redirecting energy: “That sounds like something deeper—maybe a therapist could help?” (Hint: Not you.)
- Saying no without a TED Talk: “I can’t hold space for this right now” is a full sentence.
- Letting go of the fixer identity: You’re not broken if you stop fixing everyone.
“I am not available to be your emotional mule” might not land well in the chat, but baby—it’ll land well in your spirit.
The New Spiritual Flex? Reciprocity.
Let’s be real: If the group chat only wants your insight but never checks on your soul, it’s not community—it’s a convenience store.
Healing should be reciprocal. Energetic. Aligned.
If your inner child is being neglected while your outer priestess is being praised… it’s time to recalibrate.
Final Savage Truth:
You don’t have to be the “healed one” to be worthy.
You don’t have to overextend to be seen.
You don’t have to perform pain-transmutation on demand.
Sometimes healing looks like logging off.
Sometimes it looks like saying, “Not today.”
Sometimes it’s just laughing at TikToks and minding your aura.
Let them meet you where you are—or not at all.
Ready to stop healing in isolation?
If you’re craving a space where you don’t have to over-explain your magic, shrink your power, or play “the strong one” just to belong—come find your people.
👑 Join the Savage Suites
We’re not doing surface-level sisterhood over here.
This is where spiritually gifted, soul-led women of color gather to expand, manifest, and be poured into—without apology and without burnout.
🔗 Step inside the Suite and meet the version of you that doesn’t shrink, fix, or fake peace to feel safe.
