Let’s stop lying.
We say things like “I’m working on myself,” “I’m loving me first,” or “I’m protecting my peace,” but when it’s time to actually act on that shit in public?
We get real quiet.
We love ourselves… silently.
We set boundaries… but with disclaimers.
We choose ourselves… but still want everybody to clap and cosign.
This blog is your reminder that self-love that doesn’t echo outside of your diary ain’t liberation. It’s emotional PR. And we’re not doing that in this season.
Choosing Yourself Quietly Was Cute. For Survival.
Let’s be real: Women of color—especially Black and brown women—were conditioned to shrink.
To choose the collective. The family. The partnership. The community. The culture. The hustle.
To be the peace and the problem-solver. The dreamer and the doormat.
Choosing yourself out loud? That wasn’t encouraged—it was seen as selfish, aggressive, or too much.
So, we learned to self-love behind the scenes. To heal in the dark. To play nice while dying inside.
But baby, healing isn’t meant to be a secret. It’s meant to be a standard.
Research Backs It: Self-Affirmation Works—Loudly
A 2016 study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience found that self-affirmation literally activates the ventromedial prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that’s linked to self-value and future goal-setting. [source]
Translation: When you claim yourself out loud—through actions, boundaries, declarations, and standards—you’re not just showing off.
You’re rewiring your brain.
You’re building new realities.
This is neuroscience meets sacred rebellion. And it starts with being bold enough to make your healing seen.
What “Choosing Yourself Out Loud” Actually Looks Like:
Let me break it down—because this ain’t about Instagram captions and bath bombs.
It’s:
- Leaving the job that pays well but drains your soul—without shame.
- Saying “no” to your mama’s guilt trips about not coming to the cookout because you need solitude.
- Dating yourself so hard it makes your ex question their own vibration.
- Refusing to dim your desires just because you’re the “first” to want more in your family.
- Unapologetically taking up space in rooms your ancestors were barred from.
It’s not just affirmations. It’s audacity in motion.
Why People Get Uncomfortable When You Choose You
Listen—when you stop betraying yourself, the people who benefited from your self-abandonment will feel a way.
That’s not your guilt to carry.
You choosing yourself out loud shines a light on everyone who won’t. It makes their avoidance visible. Their projections louder. Their discomfort your responsibility.
And that’s where most people shrink.
But you? You’re not most people.
Choosing Yourself Is Energetic Realignment
When you claim your worth in public, the Universe listens.
Energy calibrates to conviction—not politeness.
“When you declare yourself, you attract what matches.”
Say that with your chest.
Your manifestations don’t come because you journaled five times by candlelight.
They come when your actions match your intentions out loud, in the real world, with receipts.
Healing in Hiding Is Over.
You deserve:
- Loud joy.
- Public peace.
- Visible pleasure.
- Boundaries people can feel before you even open your mouth.
No more whispering your worth.
No more private liberation with public submission.
No more calling it self-love when it’s really self-silencing.
This next chapter requires visibility. Visibility creates accountability. And accountability creates actual transformation.
Final Savage Truth:
The healed you?
She’s not soft-spoken.
She’s not scared to lose people.
She’s not waiting to be understood.
She walks in her truth like a velvet wrecking ball.
Choosing yourself is no longer a quiet act of rebellion.
It’s a loud declaration that says:
“I trust myself enough to be seen in my fullness—even if it makes you uncomfortable.”
Want a community that claps for your self-love at full volume?
👑 Join the Savage Suites
A spiritual sanctuary for women of color who are done healing in hiding and ready to live out loud.
No code-switching. No shrinking. Just soul-expansion, receipts, and radical self-devotion.
