Let’s Talk About It: Everybody hypes up the glow-up, the elevation, the fully-realized version of you who is out here living her best life. But what about the middle? What about that messy, confusing, identity-crisis stage where you are too evolved for your old life but not quite settled into your new one? Welcome to the in-between—where everything feels uncertain, people don’t know how to place you, and you are questioning if you even have the stamina to keep going. Let’s get into it.
Why the In-Between Feels So Uncomfortable
Your brain is literally resisting change. Neuroscience tells us that the brain craves familiarity, even when it is dysfunctional (Harvard Business Review, 2021). When you start breaking old patterns, your nervous system goes into panic mode, convincing you that returning to what is “safe”—even if it is toxic—is the best move. This is why self-sabotage shows up right when you are about to level up.
Signs You Are Stuck in the In-Between
- You Feel Disconnected From Your Old Life, But Your New One Hasn’t Fully Materialized Yet
Your old habits, friendships, and ways of thinking no longer fit—but the new reality you are manifesting still feels out of reach. This is what psychologists call liminal space—a transitional phase where the old has dissolved, but the new has not yet formed (Journal of Positive Psychology, 2022). It is uncomfortable, but it is necessary. - You Start Romanticizing Your Past
When transformation gets hard, the past starts looking real good. You might even find yourself missing the things you once prayed to be free from. This is nostalgia lying to you. Growth is lonely, but remember why you started. You are not going back there. - Your Mind is Playing Tricks on You
One day you feel powerful, certain, untouchable. The next? You are questioning everything. This emotional whiplash is part of the process. According to behavioral science, identity transformation is one of the most psychologically taxing things a person can go through (American Psychological Association, 2020). It is not that you are failing—it is that your brain is adjusting. - You’re Getting Tested Left and Right
Old triggers, old relationships, old versions of you creeping back in—this is the universe making sure you are really ready for your next level. Growth is not just about what you gain, it is about what you refuse to go back to.
How to Move Through the In-Between Without Losing Your Mind
- Stop Resisting the Discomfort
Nobody tells you that becoming your highest self feels like an identity crisis. Stop trying to rush through it. Let yourself grieve who you used to be. Growth is painful. Transformation is messy. But this discomfort? It is proof you are evolving. - Anchor Yourself in Your Vision
Your emotions will try to trick you. Your fears will try to convince you that you are lost. But you are not lost—you are in transit. Keep a journal. Make a vision board. Do whatever you need to do to remind yourself of where you are headed. - Surround Yourself With Expanders
If the people around you are only reflecting who you used to be, you need new people. Find mentors, communities, and friendships that reflect the version of you that you are stepping into. Your environment is either pulling you forward or holding you back. Choose wisely. - Understand That the In-Between is Where the Magic Happens
This space where you feel lost, raw, and uncertain? This is where the real transformation happens. The caterpillar literally dissolves inside the cocoon before emerging as a butterfly. You are dissolving. Let it happen.
Final Word
The in-between is the hardest part of transformation, but it is also where you become. This is where you shed what no longer serves you. This is where you prove to yourself that you are serious about your evolution. Do not quit. Do not turn back. Keep moving forward.
You are not stuck. You are shifting. And on the other side? A version of you so powerful, she is barely recognizable.
